May 11, 2020

What does an orgasm for a woman feel like?

If we just listen to movies, songs, and book stereotypes, there's only one way of having an orgasm. It usually involves squealing, screaming, and "earth-shattering" explosions —dramatic and loud.

The most popular descriptor? "Like fireworks." But we forget that on the screens, especially the small ones (pornography), an orgasm is often performative.

The pressure to perform can be rooted in a toxic idea that women and people with clitorises and vaginas must "prove" to our partners that we came. Cue the history of "faking it" to please our partners. Check out out our Online adult shop page which has everything adult shop related that you might need..

We're always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or the item is off-limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, onto today's topic: what an orgasm feels like for a woman.

After all, it's easy to tell when someone with a penis has an orgasm. They can visibly ejaculate. But people with a clitoris have a subtler reaction that isn't always fluid (unless you're a squirter), and as a result, many feel pressured to over enhanced their feelings during sex. But that doesn't mean everyone needs to follow this formula or react in any one way at all.

Sex and relationship expert Dr. Jess O'Reilly explains, "Even a universal definition for orgasm can't be agreed upon, as our subjective experiences don't always align with scientific conclusions. When asked to describe orgasm, the responses vary wildly."

For all the time our society spends talking about sex, many women are still asking themselves this question: What does an orgasm feel like?

As a certified sex therapist turned neuroscientist, I get asked about orgasms a lot. In my new column for Glamour, I'm here to address your pressing questions about sex, love, and pleasure. With over three decades of experience studying the science of pleasure, I can say without a doubt that the ability to experience potent and satisfying pleasures like orgasm isn't a luxury—female pleasure is a necessity for our health and well-being (something I talk about in much more detail in my new book Why Good Sex Matters, out later this month). Check out out our Adult vibrator page which has everything adult shop related that you might need.

The female orgasm is a fantastic thing: It can be triggered by stimulating the clitoris, the vagina, the nipples, the cervix, or an out-of-this-world combination of all of the above. Here's what you need to know about what an orgasm feels like, and how to prioritize having more of them.

If someone asked you to explain how a woman knows she's had an orgasm, you might struggle for the right words before summing it up with an all-purpose, "You just know."

But since every woman experiences orgasm in her own unique way, the fact is, not all of us will "just know." And because there's more than one type of orgasm (clitoral orgasms can feel different than a G-spot orgasm or multiple orgasms, for example), the variation in what hitting that high note feels like is huge.

So in the interest of sex-positive research and to give women who aren't 100% sure that what they feel during sex qualifies as an orgasm, we posed the question: What exactly do you experience as you're heading toward O-town, and what kind of moves and strokes get you there? Here's what eight very descriptive women told us.

If you took sex ed at school, you probably learned all about pregnancy and STIs, and how to avoid them with safe sex practices, but there's a pretty good chance that your teacher never once uttered the word "orgasm" at any point throughout the semester. When you think about it, that's pretty weird, considering it's a natural biological function, and sexual pleasure is a perfectly normal, healthy part of life.

So let's actually talk about orgasms for a sec. An orgasm is what happens when a person reaches the height of sexual excitement. The moment comes with feelings of pleasure and muscle contractions in the genitals. For some people, this is also the moment when they ejaculate, but vaginal orgasms are a thing too! And they're awesome.

So, since sex-ed teachers aren't doing it, we're answering your most pressing questions about the biological reaction so you can feel more comfortable with your body and the sexual pleasure you deserve.

Everyone's body response is different. We're unique, our reactions vary, and most importantly, not everyone is a screamer. O'Reilly describes the nuances of an orgasm even further, saying, "For some people, an orgasm is the ultimate experience of pleasure. For others, it's simply a release. Some people lose control and others simply exhale deeply. What you see in porn doesn't necessarily reflect real-life orgasms. Some people yell and scream and convulse, but many don't."

What is an orgasm?

An orgasm is a physical reflex, brought on through sexual stimulation, most commonly that of the clitoris, which is the most sensitive organ in the vagina. "It's a build-up to a time frame during sexual stimulation where there's just this big release of pleasure," says Dr. Melisa Holmes, adolescent gynecologist and co-founder of Girlology. During sexual arousal, blood flow increases to the genitals and your muscles tense throughout your body. The orgasm then "reverses this process through a series of rhythmic contractions," according to Brown University. During an orgasm, "endorphins are released into the bloodstream, and these chemicals might make you feel happy, giddy, flushed, warm or sleepy." Check out out our Buy online dildo page which has everything adult shop related that you might need.

The orgasm is widely regarded as the peak of sexual excitement. It is a powerful feeling of physical pleasure and sensation, which includes a discharge of accumulated erotic tension.

Overall though, not a great deal is known about the orgasm, and over the past century, theories about the orgasm and its nature have shifted dramatically. For instance, healthcare experts have only relatively recently come round to the idea of the female orgasm, with many doctors as recently as the 1970s claiming that it was normal for women not to experience them.

In this article, we will explain what an orgasm is in men and women, why it happens, and explain some common misconceptions. Orgasms can be defined in different ways using different criteria. Medical professionals have used physiological changes to the body as a basis for a definition, whereas psychologists and mental health professionals have used emotional and cognitive changes. A single, overarching explanation of the orgasm does not currently exist.

Although there've been many attempts to define and describe the elusive experience of the "Big O," my favourite, and simplest of all, was coined by Alfred Kinsey, a pioneer in the study of human sexuality. When scientists speak, he nailed it: "The expulsive discharge of neuromuscular tensions at the peak of the sexual response."

Here's how that breaks down: Neuro refers to the nerves of the body and neurons of the brain, muscular refers to muscles, and explosive discharge, well, speaks for itself. An orgasm is an intensely pleasurable response to sexual stimulation.

"The brain and central nervous system are responsible for sexual responses like an orgasm," says Heather Corinna, author of SEX: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College and founder of sex education site Scarleteen. "During sexual pleasure, all the nerve endings of your body (including your genitals, all linked to your nervous system) are in concert and communication with your brain, and vice-versa."

Having one doesn't necessarily involve the genitals. Case in point: "nipplegasms." There are even some talented individuals who appear able to experience a thought- or imagery-induced orgasm, without any physical stimulation at all. Lucky them.

My research has demonstrated that the Big O is indeed a "big brain" event, increasing blood flow to a range of brain regions, which is good for brain health. In fact, having an orgasm may be better for your brain than doing crossword puzzles—not to mention, much more fun.

How do I orgasm?

Different sexual acts stimulate different people, but it really all comes back to the clitoris. Some people may also require the additional sensation of vaginal penetration to orgasm. In general, when you're reaching climax, the clitoris will get engorged and lubricated. "The clitoris may just look like a little bump on the outside, but it actually has a lot more to it on the inside, and just the stimulation of that creates this intense kind of burst of pleasurable feelings," says Dr. Holmes.

Other erogenous zones feel good when kissed and touched, but they probably won't stimulate an orgasm. "A true orgasm really does require genital stimulation and most medical providers will tell you it stems from the clitoris," Dr. Holmes says. Check out out our Buy online lube page which has everything adult shop related that you might need.

There's nothing wrong with experimenting and figuring out what allows you to reach sexual climax. It could be oral stimulation of the clitoris, rubbing on the inner thigh, or a mix of multiple things. "The best way to learn, if you're curious, is to teach yourself, give yourself an orgasm," Dr. Holmes says. "Don't rely on other people. I think that's really important to understand that they can make themselves have an orgasm probably better than anyone else can. And they don't need a partner to do that."

What should an orgasm feel like?

The female orgasm is generally regarded as a magical, mysterious thing. It's tricky to attain. It's the best feeling on earth. It relies on all kinds of intriguing bits like the G spot and the clitoris.

As you might expect, it's different for different people. But the overall sense is that it's rather nice.

A study done back in the 1970s asked male and female college students to describe how their orgasms felt. Most of the descriptions involved a pleasurable release of built-up tensions, experienced as an explosion of sensation, sometimes bordering on the ecstatic, and finally a wave of warmth, peace, and relaxation.

The truth is, orgasms exist on a spectrum: There are orgasms, and then there are ORGASMS! Some are pleasant but not earth-shattering, and others are screaming-laughing-crying episodes of pure ecstasy. Both are important and valid.

I tend to discourage people from "shoulding" on themselves or their experiences. When we evaluate how things should feel or how they should be, we take ourselves away from experience. My book, Why Good Sex Matters is not entitled Why Great Sex Matters for an important reason; when we start evaluating our erotic lives, chasing and seeking great sex or super or multiple orgasms, we miss the point, likely sabotaging our capacity for pleasure. Good sex involves being present to the experience we are having. And a good orgasm is an orgasm that comes along.

An orgasm feels different for everyone, but there are some common experiences like heavy breathing, body vibrations, and sweating. Orgasms can be mild or overwhelming, and they range person to person and time to time. We asked some young people about what orgasms feel like and this is what they said:

"It's like the burst you feel when you get a text from your crush... but in your vagina." — Cam, 15

"I would compare orgasms to going out to eat. You wait and wait for your food, very excited for this meal, then the meal gets there and you take your first bite and you're flooded with happiness. Take a food orgasm and times it by 10!" — Evie, 17

"My clit pulses — a lot. It gets super, super sensitive. Also, I can feel my vaginal walls involuntarily clench, too." — Annie, 20

"Something washes over my body."

"I have only orgasmed with my close sexual partners, and even then, it's not something that is guaranteed in any way. I only have one orgasm typically per sexual activity, while some girls I know get multiple orgasms. I would describe it as something that washes over my entire body. Almost like chills throughout, but my body is heating up instead." —Vanessa*, 25

"It's like fantastical energy."

"It feels to me like some fantastical energy being pent up and unable to be realized, and all of a sudden, you let go, and that energy is suddenly very real. The other analogy and more how I feel emotionally, so deeply connected, as if a river of consciousness connects me to him in the present moment. And then, in the exact split second of orgasm, there is no separation. It's beautiful." —Sara, 32

"I get a pulsing between my legs."

"Penetrative sex doesn't do it for me; clitoral stimulation is the only way I orgasm. It's like an adrenaline rush to the head, like a pulsing from between my legs up through the rest of my body, and concludes in some sort of physical relief, like squeezing or yelling. The more yelling allowed, the better! Then, after it's done, all my body wants to do is snuggle." —Taylor, 25

"I'm on the tallest drop of a rollercoaster."

"I would explain it like a ticklish, hot wave . . . starting from the center of my vagina and moving out toward my fingertips and toes, a building energy. At the same time, when my clit is stimulated just right, the sensitivity there causes me to get a lightheaded rush that feels kind of like I'm on the tallest drop of a rollercoaster." —Lana, 26

"There's nothing like it—the best feeling in the world."

"When I achieve orgasm, it's the best feeling in the world; there really is nothing like it. Mine only lasts a few seconds, and it is very hard for me to achieve another orgasm after the first, but when I feel the walls of my vagina contract, oh my, the pleasure is so intense." —Cassandra, 20

"It's an overwhelming warmth."

"For me, an orgasm feels like overwhelming warmth to start. I can suddenly feel every nerve ending, and everything below the belt is emphasized. Then, when the orgasm finally happens, it's just these waves of pleasure throughout my body, and a physical release." —Carly, 30

"I'm consumed completely."

"The sexual energy ebbs and flows slowly, and then builds until it is in control of every energy centre in my body. It's as if the energy creates a whirlpool with all the sacred waters in my being. It starts off as a gentle current but builds to such a powerful force that I'm consumed completely. And then spit out on the other end, in a parallel universe of which I'm not even sure of how I got to, but where the waters are perfectly still, comforting, and protective." —Mila, 28

"Electricity surges through my whole body."

"With a G-spot orgasm, through traditional intercourse, this glorious sensation is like electricity surging through my whole body. I know instantly when my husband has hit that G-spot. I tighten myself around him and ride this wave, shivers of euphoria. The perfect tickle, the perfect kiss, the perfect massage all rolled into one glorious moment where I lose all control of my senses." —Sam, 44

"Screaming for joy. Feeling everything and nothing at the same time."

"Like tangling up a bunch of Christmas lights inside you and then blowing a fuse."

"The stars emoji mixed with the explosion emoji."

"I think the best thing about an orgasm is that you can't be thinking about anything else besides your own pleasure. It's all-consuming and euphoric."

"In romantic terms: Uninhibited release of control, of self-consciousness, of everything."

"If you were to ask me to describe the feeling physically: It's like a really wonderful and powerful sneeze in your vagina. The kind of sneeze that you can sense building up for a while, and then it happens and is just the most satisfying sneeze, and you hope you have to sneeze again."

"You know when Sailor Moon floats up into the air as a beam of light shines through her body, and she transforms into a superhero? That."

"The feeling is the same level of happiness as when you're sprawled out on a lounge chair on a tropical beach, and unironically order a [non-alcoholic] strawberry daiquiri because you are unstoppable."

"An orgasm feels like electric dominoes are falling in different directions under your skin."

"It's a build-up of tension that arches your back and curls your toes, almost like a clenching feeling. And just when you think you can't take it anymore, suddenly all that tension is released and pulses throughout your body. It's the best relief."

How do you know if you've had an orgasm?

You might think we have fancy scientific ways of determining whether an orgasm has happened or not. Orgasms are associated with changes in physiological measures such as heart rate, blood pressure, pupil dilation, and involuntary rhythmic contractions of the pelvic floor muscles around the vagina, as well as uterine and anal contractions—but the best way to determine whether an orgasm has happened is to ask the person having the experience.

That is precisely what I did for my orgasm study. I asked participants to press a button when their orgasm started, and again when it ended. As researchers and clinicians know, the best measure of someone's experience of either pain or pleasure is not the physiological measures, but the person's subjective ratings.

When women say they aren't sure they are having orgasms, I coach them to enjoy the sensations as is. I say, "Relax, and let the orgasm find you!" Relaxing into the sensations is the first step in increasing the likelihood of experiencing more sexual pleasure.

What is the difference between the female orgasm and the male orgasm?

One big difference is that males have a refractory period after orgasm, which shuts down the sex party, at least for a while. Females are not wired that way—women are capable of experiencing multiple orgasms during sexual activity. In a recent study using a nationally representative sample of 1,005 women, a whopping 47% of women reported having multiple orgasms.

Another difference is how frequently men versus women experience orgasm during intimate encounters. The orgasm gap is notable; 95% of heterosexual men reported "usually orgasming" with partners, while only 65% of heterosexual females do. Lesbians tend to fare better in this department: 86% of them reported orgasming regularly when having sex with partners.

Although there is an orgasm gap between men and women, given the percentage of women reporting multiple orgasms, given the right circumstances, the sexual capacity of females is formidable.

Benefits of Orgasms

Studies suggest that orgasms can actually benefit your health. Orgasms trigger the release of dopamine, endorphins, and oxytocin, which, in addition to making you feel amazing, have also been shown to lower blood pressure. Women who masturbate to orgasm also report having higher self-esteem than women who don't, leading to better overall mental health. Orgasms have even been shown to have positive effects on gut health, improving digestion, decreasing bloating and ameliorating the negative effects of anxiety and depression.

Over half of American adults say they masturbate one to four times a week, according to the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, making it an easy and popular way to reap the health benefits of regular orgasm. Another huge benefit? Better sleep.

"For people having difficulty sleeping, it helps them sleep," said Dr. Jennifer Berman, urologist and sexual health expert. "It can help to limit stress and tension. It can help to relieve pain in the body. It can even relieve menstrual cramps."

The best thing about getting to know your body and your sexuality is that you don't need a partner to reap the benefits of orgasms.

Shailene Woodley said it best when she talked about the importance of young women learning about masturbation. "As a young woman, you don't learn how to pleasure yourself, and you don't learn what an orgasm should be, you don't learn that you should have feelings of satisfaction. I've always had a dream of making a book called There's No Right Way to Masturbate," she said.

Why didn't I orgasm?

According to Brown University, one in three people has trouble orgasming from sex with their partner. Since some need clitoral stimulation to climax, uncomplicated penetrative sex might not get you there.

When you first start exploring your sexuality, it can take a little bit of time to realize what it is that makes you climax. Continue with the exploration, and you may eventually find out what gets you to that point.

Masturbation is the easiest way to explore what will allow you to reach sexual stimulation. Different rhythms, sensations, and pleasures affect people differently. If you're studying with a partner, there's nothing wrong with asking them to focus on a specific area or action.

There are also external factors, like stress, that may affect your ability to orgasm. "A lot of orgasms also stem from our brain," Dr. Holmes says. "We have to feel comfortable and safe to have good sexual function." And then there's drugs and alcohol, which can also affect one's ability to reach a sexual climax.

"Everyone thinks alcohol makes sex better," Dr. Holmes says. "And a tiny little bit of alcohol might enhance your sexual experience because it decreases your inhibitions, but too much alcohol can absolutely prevent orgasm. If you're drunk, you may not even notice the stimulation as much, you're a little more numb." Prescription drugs can have a similar effect. "Especially the SSRIs that are used for depression and anxiety. Those are the most common drugs that prevent or inhibit orgasm."