Ever Wondered of Ways to Make Sex Last Longer?
There are some things in life that, inevitably, don't last a long time (read: gum flavour, power naps, buffalo chicken pizza slices, etc.). But sex… should not be one of those things.
Sure, there's a time and place for a quickie, but for the most part, sex should be an experience that is enjoyed for as long as you and your partner want, preferably with no time limit.
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According to sex therapists surveyed in a study conducted by the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, sex that lasts between seven to 13 minutes is considered "desirable." And when researchers looked even deeper, they found that the average person was lasting a total of three to seven minutes during strictly vaginal sex.
Sex has been around forever, but they still seem to be a never-ending curiosity gap about it. Because it is human nature, it's also only logical that we humans would constantly be thinking and wondering about it. Are we all doing it? If so, how often? Are we doing it correctly? What else is there to try? Is everyone having one kind of sex that I'm not? The good news is, as long as it's consensual, safe, and healthy, you're right.
Part of the beauty of sex is that it's so subjective. Just because one person loves BDSM-style sex, doesn't mean other people can't enjoy vanilla sex. You can always evolve your sexual tastes and proclivities, and that's kind of what makes it great. Experimentation is part of being a sexual being.
Great Communication Is A Key
The most important factor when it comes to having kinkier sex with your partner is understanding the importance of communication. "I dunno Sean, that sounds boring!"
If you want to give your lover back-arching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms that will keep them sexually obsessed with you, then you can learn these sex techniques in my private and discreet newsletter. You'll also learn the five dangerous mistakes that will ruin your sex life and relationship.
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It sure does, but without proper communication, you're not going to understand what your partner needs fully, and he will only be able to guess what you need and enjoy.
Excellent communication also means using a safe word if you are attempting anything potentially dangerous.There are so many different kinky ideas, tips and games on this page, but not all of them will be enjoyable for you or your man. And that's perfectly fine!
The key is finding what works for you and expanding on it. If you find that rough sex ( is your thing, that's great, keep growing on it. If you don't like the idea of involving others in your sex life, then avoid it!I wish I didn't have to say it, but I get so many emails from people asking me how to enjoy something they don't enjoy! It may be a puzzle for you too, but here's the truth.
Sex isn't like tax season where you have to pay your taxes. You only have to have the sex you want to have.
Remember that "sex" doesn't just mean penetration.
Everyone has a different definition of what sex means to them. In this context specifically, it's essential to keep in mind that "sex" doesn't only imply strictly p-in-v action. It can also include loads and loads, and loads of foreplay, kissing, massaging, etc. Warming up will increase your odds of an orgasm, and this way, you won't be bothered by penetration that only lasts a few minutes. Also, pro tip: Sex doesn't have to end just because of one of your orgasm.
What better way to get in touch with what turns you on than by making an orgasm part of your daily self-care routine? Try masturbating every morning for a month and see what it does for your sex life. Our bet? Good things.
Have him tap into lower levels of arousal.
Janet Pailet, the author of Living an Orgasmic Life, explains that sometimes men who struggle to last long during sex are so highly aroused, they can't prevent ejaculation from happening until it's too late. "To be able to last longer during sex, a man needs to learn how to hang out at lower levels of arousal for long periods."
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If you are trying some new kinky idea, you've just found on this page, or elsewhere on the Bad Girls Bible site, then my advice is to start slow and try the tamest version of it first.
So, if you want to try getting spanked by your man, get him to use his hand or a hairbrush first before you spend $ 100's on whips, paddles, and floggers.
Ok, let's jump in with my first kinky sex idea you can try with your man.
Dry humping might be thought of as an awkward teen activity from ye olde high school days, but as one writer found, dry humping as an adult actually slaps (or rather, grinds?). The stimulation is on point, it's not too direct in case you have an overly sensitive clitoris, and the hotness of keeping your clothes on and still pawing at each other is a mental turn-on also.
Try a penis ring.
It's not a one-size-cures-all solution, but as Carol Queen, PhD, notes, some guys do find that trying a penis ring helps them last longer, so it's worth a try. As Lisa Finn, brand manager and sex educator at Babeland have explained to Cosmopolitan before, and penis rings work by restricting the blood flow into the shaft of the penis, which can help maintain a stronger erection.
If your partner has a penis, a penis or cock ring can really rev up something that's already good. By restricting blood flow to the penis, the ring makes their erection harder and stronger (also helpful if they have issues finishing too early or staying hard). And of course, there are tons of vibrating cock rings out there that may make orgasming for you way more comfortable also. It's a win-win. Also see dildo shop page which has everything adult shop related that you might need.
August McLaughlin, author of Girl Boner: The Good Girl's Guide to Sexual Empowerment, says that practising mindfulness and breathing can also help slow ejaculation down. Bonus: Practicing mindfulness outside the bedroom can only help your game in bed too. "Use an app for guided meditation once a day, for example, or try mindful eating, where you focus on foods' flavours and textures while avoiding distractions, such as your phone," says McLaughlin.
Pay more attention to your aftercare routine
"Aftercare" is a common BDSM thing, where each partner takes time to check in with each other and care for one another after sex. It's especially important in BDSM where intense scenes might have each person experimenting with different dynamics that don't reflect how each person actually thinks of their partner. But that doesn't mean you can't also have aftercare worked into vanilla sex. Take time to check in with your partner afterwards and cuddle, give, or get a glass of water, and re-affirm your care for one another. Turn on Witcher or Outlander and let the steamy scenes influence how you spend your night.
Focus on the other partner's pleasure to take the pressure off.
If things are getting too hot and heavy for the penis-haver, August recommends taking a step back and focusing the attention on the other partner's pleasure instead. "When you stop what you're doing once you're super close to orgasm, then chill for a bit, then start again (sort of like sexual interval training)," arousal tends to skyrocket, explains August.
Make a masturbation playlist.
Taking time to focus on your own pleasure and indulging in your ~me time~ is not only fun, but it can also make sex with a partner better too because you're learning more about your own body. There's really no easier way to figure out what you like in bed than by trying it yourself.
Seriously, enough with the stigma that lube is for dried-up older women. You're not winning extra points by not using it and having sex that could be so much more glide and enjoyable for both partners. Start with a dime-sized amount, put it on you and your partner's genitals, and reapply as needed.
If you've seen There's Something About Mary, you know that having sex without masturbating is "like going out there with a loaded gun." Ejaculating an hour or two beforehand makes it harder for a man to come quickly. As Dr. Jane Greer, relationship expert and family therapist puts it, "You can build up arousal again with slow and intimate foreplay with your partner, so the guy's excitement is initially satisfied, and he can get better pace himself and sync up with his partner's rhythm."
Try a sex game where your trade-off.
Rachel Wright, a licensed psychotherapist, sex therapist, and sex educator, suggests "stop and start." You set a timer on your phone for four minutes, where you have that amount of time to do anything to your partner (ranging from kissing to intercourse). Once the time's up, you switch places, and the giver becomes the receiver and vice versa. This is great for emphasizing foreplay.
Sure, this might feel like "cheating" a little, but that shouldn't matter when it comes to making sure you both orgasm. If he can't last long enough for you to finish, wait until he's close but not there yet and let him tag out and use a vibrator on you. Then he can tag back in when you're both close to the finish line.
Yes, it might make the intercourse part a little shorter, but spending more time on foreplay, so you're more warmed up will extend the sex session on the whole and make sure you're both satisfied.
Take advantage of men's refractory period.
Who says sex needs to be limited to just one session? This one won't work for everyone, but marriage therapist Lisa Thomas recommends starting things up again a few minutes after he ejaculates. "Many men experience less sensitivity during the second erection," Thomas explains. As long as you don't mind waiting the few minutes (or switching back to foreplay), and he can get it up relatively quickly, you should have better results in round two.
Try something new and out of the ordinary in bed.
When you've been with the same partner for a while, your routine sex positions can make his body anticipate coming and thus come to a lot sooner. New positions and sensations will distract him and make him last longer. "The more awkward and unfamiliar, the better," says Greer.
Don't worry, and you don't need your actual gym's super-expensive rowing machine to make any of these work. Try hanging from a pull-up bar while your partner lifts you up onto their hips for a sex position that'll give missionary a break from the ol' rotation.
Get some cheap accessories to make shower sex all the better.
Shower sex might be steamy and sexy in the movies, but IRL, it's often not. If your mind is worrying about whether or not you're going to slip or you're starting to feel cold because the water is not on you at that moment, you can't enjoy yourself to maximum capacity! Thankfully, there are easy (and mostly cheap!) solutions that can make shower sex way more enjoyable.
The first thing you should know about this kinky idea is that some find spanking incredibly hot and arousing, while others don't enjoy it at all. It all comes down to personal preference. With that in mind, I hope you'll at least experiment with it.
If your man is on top of you during sex or in any position where it's easy to reach his bum, then you can try spanking him. Just use an open palm, and if you like, you can lightly grab him or rub him after you've hit him. The key is experimenting and seeing what he responds to best.
If you are playing a kinky sex game with your man, and he fails a task or if you've caught him doing something naughty/forbidden, then you may want to punish him with a spanking. You can tell him to get on all fours or to remain to stand and place his hands against the wall or even to lean over a table.
Then it's a simple case of handing out his punishment (pun very much intended). Learn how to use punishments and rewards during sex. A great way to further inflict your will on your man when you are spanking him is to make him count each strike.
If you really enjoy spanking, then there are a bunch of tools that can help you achieve a similar level of pain/pleasure, depending on the sensation you enjoy
ONE BIG WARNING
Spanking leaves a mark and causes small amounts of damage to the skin and tissues on your man's backside provided you aren't too vigorous in your striking. However, if you spank him on his kidneys or spine, then you are going to cause serious damage. Don't do this. My advice is to focus only on his bum.
Make Oral Sex Crazy Kinky
Giving you man a blow job or having him go down on you to eat you out may not sound like the craziest kinky idea, but it can be. Here's how
When your man goes down on you, you can put your hands behind your head and let him get to work…or, and you can use your hands to provide guidance. Just put them in his hair or rest them on top of his head at first. Then, when he starts doing something really satisfying, start slowly rubbing and massaging his scalp. But, if he starts doing something that's not particularly enjoyable, stop massaging him. This is an easy way to give him feedback as he's giving you cunnilingus. Of course, make sure to be vocal in your feedback too. The other great thing about having your hands on his head when he is licking your pussy is that if you need more pressure, you can just pull him closer into you. Of course, your man can also use these exact tips when you are giving him a blow job
Maintaining eye contact while your man gives you cunnilingus or while you're giving him a blow job instantly makes it more intimate. "But this is a guide on having kinky sex," I hear you say…
Don't worry; there is a really kinky way to use eye contact during a blow job or when he's eating you out. You need to make eye contact with him right at the point of orgasm. It's incredibly powerful.If you're looking for more tips on how to use eye contact during oral sex.
WHERE YOU DO IT
Another easy way to make a blow job or cunnilingus hotter is to do it in a place that's out of the ordinary. Here are a few ideas.
- In a car (just make sure you're not breaking any laws!)
- At a really breathtaking spot, think the top of a mountain or a cliff, on a beach or anywhere with an incredible view.
- In an empty room at a party.
You can give your man a really straightforward and even boring blow job, but if you finish it right, then it can be super hot. Here are a few kinky ways to finish your blow job.
- Into your hand and then pour it into your mouth.
- Into your mouth and then swallowing it while maintaining eye contact.
- On your face, neck, breasts, ass, back or any body part that your man obsesses about.
Have a few nights where the main focus isn't penetrative sex, but just you receiving oral sex. Communicate with your partner so you can both discover what works best for you in terms of giving and receiving. And when we say a few nights, we mean a few nights. Expecting to cram life-changing oral into your lives via one night puts way too much pressure on both of you.
Ever fantasized about being with a fireman? What about being disciplined by a headmaster? How about being the sexy secretary for a high powered boss? This is the whole point of roleplaying, and you get to act out your fantasies and stay in control, what's kinkier than that? Here are a few standard roleplaying ideas that will hopefully inspire you.
- I am getting blackmailed.
- They are being "forced" into having sex.
- I am repaying debt with sexual favours.
- Being a porn star, stripper or a call girl.
- Being a masseuse that does whatever gets the job finished.
- You are having your innocence corrupted by someone more experienced or being the corrupter yourself.
- Strangers at a bar.
- Pretending to be someone famous or pretending to be with someone famous.
- You are a bored housewife or househusband.
- You or your man being in an authority position like a fireman, cop, doctor, the UPS guy, crooked lawyer, professor, coach, slave owner, etc.
- You or your man in submissive positions like being a criminal, student, intern, slave, etc.
These are all just examples to get your creative juices flowing. You'll have your own specific fantasies that you'll want to act out with your man, so make sure to focus on YOUR fantasies, not just the ones here.
Finally, it's important to understand that pretending to be a stripper, while your man is a customer may feel a bit awkward and staged. This is true for any roleplaying scenario, and it's is perfectly fine, just make sure that you can both laugh at the silliness of it all and enjoy yourself.
Watch Porn Together
Another is to ask him if he'd like to watch some porn with you to see if there are some ideas you can try together.Lots of guys will love this idea, while others may be a bit hesitant.
If your man is hesitant, then the key to making your porn viewing comfortable is taking control and choosing what to watch. If you hesitate or insist on your man choosing what to watch, it can get awkward quite quickly. However, if you choose what to watch without lots of deliberation, it will be a lot smoother and enjoyable for both of you.
Of course, if he is very eager to show you his favourite porn, then let him lead the way.
As you browse from video to video together, you can talk to your man about it and ask him questions like:
- That position looks interesting, do you want to try it?
- I love how submissive she is in this one, and I wonder what submitting to you would be like?
- Maybe I should wear something like that the next time we have sex, what do you think?
In some situations, your partner may want to consider seeing a doctor. A variety of prescriptions are available if premature ejaculation is a serious issue that's negatively affecting your relationship. And while there are over-the-counter supplements that tout their ability to improve a guy's stamina, your best bet is to go through someone who knows what they're talking about. Guys can check in with a urologist to see what the issue is and what steps can be taken. And as a general idea, it's best to avoid supplements you can buy at a gas station.