What do men consider “great sex?” Well, what do you want from your sex life?
When I ask women this question, I inevitably hear one word above the rest. Women crave connection above all else, right? What do you think guys answer when I ask them the same question? Well, sure, guys want their ego – ahem – stroked. They want to know they’re competent in the sack. Also see Magic Men online shop page which has everything adult shop related that you might need.
Sex is still sex, no matter who is having it with whom. Sure, some activities like hugging, kissing are low-risk compared to others like oral or vaginal sex. But the only difference between women having sex with women and women having sex with men is the risk of unwanted pregnancies, and that is also dependant on genitalia and sexual organs - not the gender one may identify as.
Whether you’re a lesbian, a bisexual woman, or straight but experimenting - it’s nobody’s business but yours. What’s also your business is your sexual health. And not having sex with a man doesn’t reduce the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease (STDs) or infection. In fact, the chances of you getting bacterial vaginosis (not an STD but it increases your risk of getting one) increase substantially.
Women’s Day, we’re touching on some of the health issues that affect women in a dedicated series. In this part, we’ll be addressing how women can have safe (or safer) sex when they have sex with another woman.
Make him feel like a sex god. Okay, maybe that feels a bit over the top. But he does want to feel like he’s THE MAN when it comes to delivering the goods in bed. He wants to know that he’s competent at making you feel pleasure at his touch. Yes, we want to give you unimaginable bliss – a climax that makes your toes curl – and gets him on the front of Time magazine for “Most unbelievable orgasm of the century.” (or at least a trophy for it.) Even if that’s unrealistic, it’s still a core desire for most men.
One universal DON’T here: Don’t ever talk about past lovers – even the ones that were lousy. We men run around in complete oblivious ignorance of the “other guys” for as long as we can in a relationship. If you want to trigger a man to pull away, nothing does it better than mentioning either past lovers, or describing their performance.
Let Him Know When You’re Turned On
Guys need feedback to tell him how he’s doing. In those first few encounters, you’re both feeling a bit awkward. You’re trying to get familiar with a stranger’s body, and their desires. It’s tricky terrain to navigate. So keep him in the loop as to how he’s doing – especially when it’s positive. Show him through your sounds and body motion that he’s giving you pleasure. Also see MagicMen online vibrator shop page which has everything adult shop related that you might need.
Clue him in on what’s working for you instead of being silent. Silence is a giant room full of uncertainty in our heads, so you have to know how to get past your stage fright. If you feel you aren’t good at talking dirty with men, I have a whole section on that for you in my Passion Phrases program, by the way. But what if there’s some negative stuff you need to communicate?
What if he’s just not Mr. Fabulous in the bedroom? That leads us to the next tip.
Always use protection
When you engage in any sexual activity that involves body fluids — whether one person’s or both — you should ideally use a barrier method of protection, especially if you have a cut or sore. Also, since we know STDs are transmitted through body fluids, this makes your period a riskier time to have sex than the rest of the month. Here are some types of protection women can use when having sex with other women. Check out out our Adult dildo buy online page which has everything adult shop related that you might need.
Condoms: If your partner is a transwoman and has a penis, female or male condoms should be used for vaginal and anal intercourse. Make sure the condom is not expired, applied correctly and only use one at a time. Ensure that you use a new condom for every sexual activity - for example, if you’re switching between oral, vaginal and anal sex, you need to use a new condom for each of them. Also, if you’re sharing sex toys, put a condom on those too.
Dental dams: Dental dams should be used when you’re giving oral sex to a woman. A dental dam is a sheet of latex that works as a barrier to avoid the transfer of body fluids. You can also use a dental dam while scissoring as that is one of the most high-risk sexual activities.
Gloves and finger cots: Stimulating someone’s genitals with your hand is considered to be one of the safer sexual activities. It still carries some risk though, since your hands could have a small, unnoticeable cut on them and when it comes in contact with body fluids a transmission could occur both ways. To avoid this, you can use latex gloves or finger cots.
Condoms are often the best way to make a sexual encounter safer. Unfortunately, not everyone likes to use condoms. Many people think that, in a heterosexual couple, it's always the male partner who is reluctant to use a condom. However, that isn't actually the case. Often it's a woman saying that she doesn't like sex with condoms or doesn't want to use them.
Some women are only worried about pregnancy, or unable to think of themselves as being at risk for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Because of this, they may prefer other birth control options to condoms. They may think condoms are unnecessary. They may worry that a partner asking to use a condom is judging them for previous sexual behavior. In these cases, it's important to have realistic conversations about risks and concerns. For example, men who are also worried about pregnancy may consider condoms a great backup option to the pill.
Some women think of using condoms as something that is for other people, because of class, race, or other factors. They may stigmatize condom use or have problematic beliefs about their role in a healthy sexual encounter. These women can require some creative convincing to have safe sex. Sometimes, if they can't be convinced to use condoms, they may even need to be given a polite refusal.
Finally, some women don't like condoms because they make sex uncomfortable or even painful. This group can actually be helped. Alternative condom types may be a good option for them. So can slightly altering their sexual habits.
Know How To Correct Him
If he does start doing something that isn’t working for you, you also have to know how to redirect and correct him. One wrong word from you and his deep inner shame could be triggered, which might leave him a bit less than “performance ready.” Yeah, his flag may drop to half-mast if he feels like he’s been called out on his performance. So you gotta watch how you express this to him. Words should be minimal, and that makes it easiest on both of you. No misunderstandings. Check out out our Adult lube buy online page which has everything adult shop related that you might need.
Consider the event a “spin out” – like in stock car racing. What you want to do is get the car back on the track and headed toward that finish line as gently as possible.For example: Let’s say he’s rubbing a big too hard. Treat it like a race car that’s spun off the road, and you’re going to steer things.
Make sex Feel Desired – not an obligation or a chore
Sex with us should never feel like a chore. it should be a natural, regular expression of affection in your relationship. So please don’t make him beg for it, buy you gifts for it, wait for a birthday or vacation for it, or some magical alignment of the stars to get busy. Just make us feel like equal and wanted partners.
If you’re not feeling the sex in your relationship, you can talk with him about it. This is a deep conversation that men are more than willing to have because the sex is so important to him. Yes, it’s important to you, too – but men need sex as a PRIMARY method of feeling love within a relationship.
Maybe we need to hear that we aren’t making you feel desired enough. Maybe our lives are too busy, maybe your schedule is too busy and we need to help you out. Whatever the problem is, talking about it will only help. And if you happen to have some deep issues related to sex that need therapy, please PLEASE seek that out and get it handled. A competent therapist can help you work through your traumas.
Because if you’re hoping they’ll just “disappear” magically when you meet “The One” – I have something to tell you. It’s more likely that those issues will simply scare him off – and might even make him feel like he is the problem. Do the work for both of you now.
Give Him foreplay
Yeah, you heard me.Guys like foreplay just as much as women. (We just don’t ALWAYS want to have to work for 75 minutes to get you ‘in the mood.’ This makes sex too much of a chore.)
What kind of foreplay?Lots of physical touch that is NOT his groin. Touch us everywhere BUT there. Lots of dirty talk that lets us know we ARE getting some tonight.
Lots of dreamy eye contact that tells us WE are the cause of your rapidly moistening situation…
The key is to tease him without making him feel like it’s a game to make YOU feel desired. Or that you’re leading him on. Give him foreplay, and you’ll also amp up his love and attachment hormones, too. This makes him far more likely to fall in love with you along the way.
Don’t Hold Back
Men are used to a very common dynamic with women. She will tease and hint at sex, but usually be a bit too reserved about showing her sexuality to make it feel “real” to us.
In other words, most women hit a very predictable barrier that stops her from being drop dead sexy.
The cycle goes like this:
- She starts being sultry and hot
- He starts to respond to her
- She realizes that she’s doing that thing her mom – or her grandma – or her confused high school friends told her NOT to do: Don’t be a slut!
- She becomes too self-conscious and starts to feel like she’s gone too far
- And the vibe either goes cold, or gets weird.
There’s even a term for this barrier in a woman’s mind that stops her from going “Full Sexy” –
The Slut Complex.You may KNOW deep in your heart that it’s illogical, but there’s a zone that feels too “promiscuous” to ignore.So make sure you know where your limits are FIRST. And then you can gracefully pull back from that edge before you feel that weirdness set in.
And this way you can also preserve your sexual boundaries ethically and with heart.
I think most every woman has felt like she jumped into bed too soon, and then the very thing she worried about happening happens. He pulls away or disappears shortly after they hook up.
The key is how you feel about stopping yourself and setting that boundary.And how to make him understand it’s the right thing.Men may seem disconnected to you in bed, and that’s because they’re trying to not lose their focus with you. (Truth be told, most women don’t feel very connected to the experience the first time. There’s so much worry and inner angst being held by both!)There is a simple cure for this kind of disconnect you might have with your man. And it leads you closer to true connection with him, too.
Maintain good hygiene
Hygiene is another important factor when it comes to having safety. Maintaining clean and tidy nails isn’t a vain practice but a must when you’re using your hands for genital stimulation. Keep your nails short and hands clean. Wash your hand before engaging in sexual activity as you could have bacteria that you could transfer - or even spices that could burn.
Pee after sex: Women are advised to pee after sex to avoid urinary tract infections. You should follow this as a rule if you’re more prone to these infections.
Sex toys: Always clean your sex toys after and before using them. Do not share your sex toys and if you do, make sure you use protection.
Get tested regularly
Ignorance is not bliss, especially when it comes to your sexual health. If you’re sexually active, it’s a good idea to get tested every year. If you have multiple partners or aren’t engaging in safe sex, you may want to get tested more often. It’s also good practice to get tested before you start having sex with a new partner. If you notice any symptoms, avoid having sex until you consult a doctor. Also, doctors may advise you not to engage in sexual activity for a certain amount of time after being treated for an STD, as you could still be capable of transmitting the disease.
If you haven’t been sexually active in a while, you should still not ignore any symptoms. Many STDs don’t show up immediately - they could take their own sweet time and show up when you’re not sexually active.
If you have a lifelong STD (like herpes or HIV), there are ways to still be sexually active in a safe manner. Talk to your partner and your doctor about your options and be extremely careful when following those instructions to a T.
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/WVsKSVkOksU" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>